Football One Liners 

What are football one liners? 

Football one liners are jokes based on words, sarcasm and humor to make people laugh and make you stand amidst the crowd. One should always remember the fact that the delivery is a vital time. The significance of a pause, and confident delivery of punchline is yet another very important aspect of making jokes. 

Are you wondering how to tell football one liners or jokes? 

  • Know your target audience. Make sure the target audience of your jokes are the suitable ones. If some of the group members aren’t sports fans, the joke can fall flat. 
  • If you don’t find the joke funny or are having self-doubt, your audience will be able to tell. Believe in yourself. Take some sturdy material with you.
  • Remember that the delivery of a joke is everything. Recognize the benefit of a lengthy pause, and deliver the punchline with assurance!
  • Use of appropriate words is necessary. 
  • Last piece of advice that always holds true is that humor and football go well together. 
  • Jokes and one liners are like weather. One day they are meant to diss a certain team but another day they are meant for another team. One should always know the weather before taking the umbrella out. 

If you’re looking for some football jokes or football one liners, then we got you covered. 

  1. Do you know the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill? You can get four quarters out of a dollar bill. 
  2. I couldn’t do very well in my football teamwork exam… cause I didn’t pass!
  3. Do you have a football jersey? Because I want your name and number! 
  4. Playing football is very addictive and I want to stop but I just can’t seem to kick the habit. 
  5. Step away from the chicken, it is a personal foul. 
  6. I saw a fly football squad playing in a saucer. Next week, they intend to be in the cup.
  7. My computer has got the Bad Goalie Virus. It just can’t save anything. 
  8. Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away. 
  9. You’re hotter than the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. 
  10. Do you know why did the football go to the bank? To get his QUARTER BACK.
  11. When I’m at the hairdressers I like watching football matches. The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.
  12. Which football team loves ice-cream? Aston Vanilla!
  13. What is a ghost’s favorite football position? Ghoulkeeper!
  14. Why was the best footballer in the world asked to clean their room? Because they were Messi! 
  15. It is Great start for Lion King FC in this season :- a win away, a win away, a win away.. 
  16. We hired Dracula to be our keeper. Well, he was a total dud. Afraid of crosses. 
  17. Which team always starts the match with a bang? The Gunners!
  18. I like to think outside the box, although it has ended my career as a goalkeeper.
  19. Why did Shakira marry a football player? For his stamina mina, eh eh
  20. How do football players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans!
  21. Which soccer team has nailed their formation? The Hammers
  22. I recently went to see a game, and it was chilly. Surely it was the fans.
  23. Think my friend’s new girlfriend is a keeper. She’s got a pair of goalie gloves.
  24. Why is Alabama college football so strong? Because they’re all one big family. 
  25. What do Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and a magician all have in common? All three do hat-tricks.
  26. Why was Cinderella kicked off the local football team? Because she kept running away from the ball. 
  27. The calm before the score.
  28. My laptop has the Kepa Arrizabalaga virus – it just can not save anything!
  29. My partner just ended our relationship because of my obsession with football. I’m quite sad about it – we have been dating for three seasons. 
  30. Have you heard about the new Everton bra? It has a lot of support but no cups. 
  31. Why didn’t the dog want to play football? Because it was a boxer! 
  32. What is the difference between a baby and a Dallas Cowboys fan? The baby will stop whining after a while.
  33. Do you know the footballer who lost 75% of his spine? He’s a quarterback
  34. What would you call two nuns and a hooker playing football? Two tight ends and a wide receiver. 
  35. My girlfriend is the star goalie of her local football team… she’s definitely a keeper. 
  36. A wife says to her husband “Choose, it’s either football or me.” The husband replied “Give me 90 more minutes to think.” 
  37. Well I don’t play football, but you’re the only goal I want. 
  38. What do possums and Atlanta Falcons have in common? They both get killed on the road and play dead at home.
  39. How can you keep the Detroit Lions away from your front yard? By putting a goal post! 
  40. What does Nebraska and marijuana have in common? Both get smoked in a bowl.
  41. Which football club do the sheeps support? Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa rrceelona.
  42. Do you know what the wild receiver said to the football? Catch ya later! 
  43. Do you know the difference between a Carp and a New England Patriots fan? One is a fish and the other one is a bottom-feeding sucker scum. 
  44.  Why did football leave the team? Because it was tired of being kicked around! 
  45. Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? They were the skipper!
  46. Why was the chicken sent off?obviously, for persistent fowl play.
  47. Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!
  48. What is a footballer’s favorite drink? A Penal-tea.
  49. What do you call a boat full of polite football players? Good sportsmanship. 
  50. Do you know how the Titans are like my neighbors? They can’t pick a single yard!
  51. Almost all of football players are temperamental. That is they are 90% temper and 10% mental. 


We hope that you liked football one liners, puns and jokes in our article. Find the appropriate moment and use them with a bam! The only purpose of jokes is fun and amusement and they are not Intended to damage the feelings or reputation of a team or player or fans. 

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